


Not In Control of His Life

by Letterblade



Series: Too Much Love, Too Much Life [2]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aoba is a ridiculous flailing loser ok, BDSM, Clear must be stopped, Implied Sei/Everyone, M/M, Mink: Warrior Therapist, Multi, Noiz I stg if you lose the key to the chastity belt one more time you're getting dumped, Polyamory, Poor Boundaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:46:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3301328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letterblade/pseuds/Letterblade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aoba is--doing all right, really! Like it's been almost a year since Oval Tower fell and all that stuff happened, and he's gotten his life together and isn't freaking out all the time, and he found his parents, and things are pretty okay. In general. Only juggling four boyfriends--two of whom are having a passive-aggressive kinky sex one-upsmanship contest--proves to be, uh, a lot of work. Maybe too much work. Jeez.</p><p>This is a fic about Aoba learning what boundaries are from the only person he knows who has them--which given his history with Mink is just sad. And about how Noiz and Clear are going to fuck him to death. Help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not In Control of His Life

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the denouement period of a harem/polyblob-and-Sei-lives-and-Ren-gets-his-own-body alternate continuity that Mllelaurel and I have put way too much thought into, perhaps six months after the previous fic in this series. More continuity information in the series notes.

Aoba feels foolish, in retrospect, that it took him this long to realize that they were getting _competitive_. Like okay, Noiz has always liked knowing exactly when he was with everybody else? And what he'd done with them? He just figured it was how Noiz stayed content with this whole perverted it-isn't-cheating-if-we-know-about-it-right thing they'd all settled into because all the alternatives were worse, and anything that helped any of them stay content was good. Very good. Even if it meant nearly imploding with embarrassment as Noiz caught him lightly by the hair so he couldn't turn his face away and hissed in his ear until he forced the words out. Clear had been trying some bondage stuff, okay, like Clear had all sorts of weird ideas for a guy who looked so innocent, and Aoba might have kind of wound up tied to a chair and begging for Clear's cock down his throat. Well, okay, that definitely happened, no kind of about it, but for the life of him he wasn't sure _how_ , because Clear. Noiz was silent for one tense moment as he told him that, and then purred _good boy_ and went for Aoba's dick, so Aoba figured that was the end of that.

Clear never asks about the others except to make sure Aoba enjoys it--and of course he _does_ , that's the dumbest part of all, like pretty much anything that happens he enjoys, no matter how perverted it is, because, well, okay, he's trying to be good and communicate with his other half and it's already a pretty well-established fact that his other half is a _huge_ pervert. Like too much of a pervert. Jesus. Anyway, Aoba says yes, of course he enjoys it, and tries to put out the raging fire on his face, and Clear smiles and fucks him into the floor sweet as anything, and he doesn't really see the trap closing until later.

Koujaku does his hair and enjoys it way too much, and Ren, strung out for three days while he was with the others, fucks him against the wall because they don't even make it to the bed, and Aoba shakes off bad memories of dirty alleys in Platinum Jail and Mink's fingers digging into his shoulder, and digs his own fingers into Ren's shoulder, and doesn't take his face out of his hair, which still smells the same even in this new body. Somehow. He's learned not to question what works. So Koujaku and Ren are pretty much as usual, and then he comes back to Noiz.

Who plays close-your-eyes-and-open-your-butt, shoves some remote control vibrating _thing_ up there, and ties him to a chair. Rides him, painstakingly slow, flicking the remote off and on to tease him, too much when it's on and too little when it's off, until Aoba finds himself honest-to-god desperately begging without even being prompted, the shame of it feeding his wild arousal right along with everything else--god knows why, that was probably Desire's fault, or something. Looking back on it, maybe that's when he should have realized things, but mostly right then he was busy realizing that he wanted to come more than he wanted the floor to eat him, which was a new and interesting experience.

Things go more-or-less as usual for another cycle or two; Noiz is in Midorijima for a whole month and change this time, wrapping up some of his buyout business which Aoba doesn't even understand a word of. But he's not going to question it. It's been amazing having Noiz around for this long, and after claiming Aoba all to himself for a long weekend to balance things out, he's been very good about equal shares, and that long weekend had been, well, _something_. At any rate, now it's settling into a nice easy rhythm. At least until Clear pulls out like three or four dildo things of various size with various buttons on them, and Aoba squawks like he'd pulled out a handful of spiders.

Looking back on it, he doesn't know how Clear knows. He doesn't _want_ to know how Clear knows. Clear is probably watching him fuck somehow. Jesus fucking Christ. Sei's bad enough. At least Sei doesn't use it against him later. Except to comment vaguely on how nice that looked. Maybe he should start charging for peep shows. Gah.

At some point he pitches face-down on his bed--Ren's out patrolling, it's how he figured out how to manage the time now that he didn't sleep and didn't _want_ to sleep--and idly tries to figure out how many things had been in his butt in the past eight days, not even counting dicks and fingers, and the number gets very alarming very quickly, especially because there were a few things he can't quite account for when Clear had him blindfolded, which had almost freaked him out, but Clear had been very nice about soothing him through it _before_ he started shoving things up there, so okay.

Aoba realizes he's not in control of his life.

At least Koujaku and Ren are pretty much as normal. Well. Every time Ren leaves a hickey, Koujaku grumbles, turns it into something sappy, and leaves one next to it. Aoba takes to wearing turtlenecks. Aoba figures at this point he'll have a freaking hickey collar.

Clear puts a rather more literal collar on him. Leash and all.

Noiz gives a very small, knifelike grin when he hears about that, and does that thing he does where he remembers some random bit of conversation from like three months ago that Aoba's practically forgotten and demands continuation. In this case, the fact that bunnies don't wear collars, so the fact that Aoba brought that up clearly indicated a subconscious desire for it. Aoba aggressively avoids all conversation of subconscious Desires and says this probably means Noiz has a subconscious desire to be tickled to death. It is entirely unfair that the tickle fight ends with Aoba collared and leashed. Even more unfair that after that, Noiz bullies him into presenting himself on all fours, a cottontail-topped-plug added to the things-that-have-been-in-his-butt list, and, well, that didn't entirely end in his favor but it was shockingly hot.

At least his butt gets a rest with Ren, because he finally remembers to bring up the maybe-next-time-I-should-top thing _before_ Ren gets a raging boner, so he comes home to Ren naked and ass-up in his bed and quivering a little because he couldn't help stuffing his fingers up there as he waited, and Aoba manages to not _entirely_ spaz out about it this time, and once Ren wriggles around to be on his back, wiry legs hitched up so Aoba can bury himself in him and kiss him at the same time, and feel Ren's moans into his mouth and Ren's fangs dragging at his lips, well, he gets into the swing of it.

Maybe this is a way to get control of his life.

Noiz blinks once, twice, cracks a smile, and says, okay.

And proceeds to propose a long string of absolutely filthy painful perverted things to do with him that kindles an inferno in Aoba's face. And chest. And possibly everywhere else. Aoba manages about three of them, feels like a gallumphing idiot who has no idea how to treat a bad boy right, but the slack-jawed pleasure that rushes over Noiz's face at moments almost reminds him of the old days. The face he'd made when he'd first bit down on his dick, before he could even feel properly, and yeah, he'd missed this, he needs to hold onto this. Like Noiz had been pretending very hard he wasn't a kid anymore, and didn't need to be-- _punish me_ , Noiz breathes, choked with arousal, and Aoba suddenly realizes he isn't sure what's going on anymore.

Clear, for their next night together, sends him a Coil message saying to just come in the door, it's okay, there's a surprise, and Aoba feels deep trepidation, but there has never been any resisting pink puppy eyes, so he comes in the door and braces himself for some ninja bondage sex attack.

Instead it's Clear. In naked apron. With bondage cuffs. Lube and toys scattered around him, kneeling, smiling brightly up at him with flowers hovering around his head.

Aoba is still, definitely, not in control of his life.

Koujaku's night, he screws up his courage and asks to go to the baths. He doesn't ask things of them much, it's awkward and difficult and they all have such distinct ideas of what to do with him that he hates denying. But he kind of has a butt cramp--not from all the bottoming, even! But between the position Clear had lured him into and how vigorously he'd begged to be fucked, well. And he really doesn't want to admit it to anyone, but he's. Tired. A little. Maybe.

Koujaku gets it, somehow, even though he only managed mumbles by way of explanation. God, Koujaku's a treasure. Aoba would never have imagined, even a week ago, that he'd actually lie still for Koujaku just pampering the shit out of him for a night, but about half an hour into the massage he abruptly realizes that he'd been, honest to god, letting Koujaku rub him down with scented oil like he was some kind of rich lady and _not even minding_. Somehow they manage to arrange it so that this ends with a lazy soothing handjob for Aoba and an adoring blowjob for Koujaku, and okay, maybe princess carrying him to bed afterwards and tucking him in was a bit much, but Aoba was too far gone to even protest Koujaku being ridiculous.

Which didn't necessarily mean he's any more in control of his life.

After another spin round the merry-go-round--in which he cracks halfway through Clear babbling about something Aoba-san could do to him and fumbles out something like _Clear please just fuck me I'm done_ \--he finds himself at a point of true desperation. It's late, he's fallen into a bleary haze of semi-consciousness for a bit after Ren finished pounding him into the floor, and Ren's still there, and if Ren understands how strung-out Aoba is, he doesn't say a thing, just cradles him gently to his chest and rests their foreheads together.

He needs to talk to Desire.

Ren understands without words, because Ren is his soul, and in one aching moment of clarity he knows that if he had to choose one, it would be him. But that would break Koujaku and Clear and Noiz, and probably himself, and he couldn't bear it. So instead he kisses Ren's forehead and closes his eyes and tries to listen. Isn't even sure exactly what he hopes to hear, but this is Desire's business, isn't it? All this--sex stuff, and what it's okay to want? He's not even sure what's stressing him out anymore, exactly, but Desire's the person to ask, right?

Desire is laughing at him.

Aoba wails and falls backwards, limp.

* * *

There's only one thing left to do, and it's possibly the _single weirdest thing_ he's ever called the man with, but well, after everything that happened, the threshold of what was too weird to talk about with him is pretty low.

"Do you know what time it is here?" Mink's voice is tinny through his Coil, throat and Japanese in disuse. The video screen makes one valiant effort to get enough bandwidth out from Mink's isolated cabin and then fizzes out with a whine.

"Ah, sorry. Mink, I. I think I need to come over for a bit. Like. Maybe a month or something? Is that okay?"

There's a long, long pause. "It's cold."

"Whatever! Your cabin is cozy, right? Uh. I'll have to bring Ren, I think, but it'll be just us." He hopes. He honestly doesn't know what would happen if he and Ren had the whole world between them, two halves of the same soul--he wouldn't rule out either of them withering away and dying, and he really doesn't want to find out. He probably couldn't say no to Sei, if Sei insisted. The rest are...kind of the problem. Well, mostly Noiz and Clear are the problem, but Koujaku probably won't want to come, he'd had the hardest time getting over the whole Mink...thing. Like maybe Noiz and Clear would be polite enough not to get into passive-aggressive kinky sex competitions _in Mink's living room_ but Aoba's not taking any chances right now.

"What's wrong." It isn't a question.

Aoba opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. "Noiz and Clear are going to fuck me to death I need to run help."

There's a small, startled, wheezing noise out of his Coil. He realizes, too late, that Mink is laughing at him. "They know where I live. It's not a very good place to hide."

"Jeez, I know. I--I'm going to have to tell them I need a break, and they're going to have to deal, and Koujaku will flip out that I'm visiting you, but he's going to have to deal, and _I_ can't deal with Ren and I being apart so there's that, and, okay, could anybody say no to Sei if he wanted to come."

"Probably not," Mink says after a moment, sounding like he'd never laughed at all. "You do what you want." He pauses. "If you come in next week, though, give me a call when you get to the reservation border. The roads aren't very well plowed, so I'll have to pick you up in the snowmobile once the blizzard hits."

Half of that makes no sense, but okay, America is weird. "Okay."

* * *

Sei tilts his head for a long moment, considering, and then declines. "Thank you for telling me, though."

"You sure? I know you've said before that you kind of wanted to visit Mink again."

"I'm sure." Sei shrugs. "The weather's awful, and you need quiet time. I'll catch him when he comes back to the island in the spring."

Aoba feels something in his heart trip at Sei's offhand consideration, and trip again at the idea that he'd still be there in the spring, and inches out a hand. They hug, long and close, and when their hair brushes they both feel it to their toes.

"I'll miss you," Aoba blurts, throat clenching.

"I'll miss you too, brother. Very much. But we won't be apart for long."

"Will you be okay? There's Granny to take care of you, at least--"

"And Koujaku." Sei un-hugs, slowly, meets Aoba's gaze easily, and the familiar crackle is warm and faint, and there's almost a bit of light in his eyes. Or maybe that's just the mischievous smile tugging at his lips. "And Clear. I'll be all right. Really, I think it'll be a good chance to finally seduce your harem. You don't mind if I borrow them, right? I'll give them back, I promise."

Aoba completely forgets whatever fussy thing he was going to say next, and chokes.

* * *

"Cold" turns out to be a ridiculous understatement, and Ren holds Aoba up at the airport, fussing, until he buys an entirely overpriced parka from a nearby shop, and gloves, and scarf, and hat. It's a good thing Sei and Noiz and Theo had cut him into shares of the Toue fortune during the corporate dismantling.

"Snowy" turns out to be a ridiculous understatement too. Snow on Midorijima is a quick-melting inconvenience to be fended off with umbrellas, not-- _this_. Aoba contemplates the messy roads and his tiny amount of driving experience from the last visit, chickens out of the rental car plan, and calls Mink. It's a long, brutally cold trip, but it's beautiful. The pines outside the cabin look like something off a Christmas card.

And inside is, in fact, cozy. Mink parks him in front of the fireplace as he draws a hot bath, then makes it clear that Aoba's either going in or getting _put_ in. Most other days, Aoba would've pouted and let Mink scruff him, but now, for some reason, he pouts and wobbles to his feet instead. There's leaves floating in the water, and the whole room smells like--peace, somehow. He can't even figure out what's in it, he just takes a deep breath and his heart eases. Aoba marinates until he's wrinkly and warm to the bone, and listens to the silence, broken only by murmurs of Ren and Mink talking through the thick walls, the occasional cry of a bird outside.

Nothing weird is going to go up his butt for a _while._ So relaxing.

Aoba spends the first few days sleeping off the jet-lag and rolling around feeling pretty useless, but Mink waves off his worries. "You're on vacation."

"It's not like I actually. Needed a vacation. Except from." He flaps a hand and reddens.

"Still. Besides, it's not like there's much of anywhere to go."

Another blizzard has dumped another half-meter of snow on their heads since Aoba's arrival, because apparently America is not fucking around, and he has to concede that point.

* * *

If he hadn't been so overstimulated before he came here, Aoba admits that he'd probably go stir-crazy. The nights are long. Ren takes him on capers through the snow, strong and heedless of the cold in his new body, and they build ridiculous creatures under the trees. Mink spends a few days knotting strips of rawhide over wooden frames, which Aoba assumed were bigger versions of those dream-eating decorations--he'd given him one to hang over his bed before he first left for America--until Mink tried to strap it on his foot. Show-shoeing proved fun. Even when Aoba mired too close to a tree and needed to be fished out, red-faced and laughing.

He and Ren fuck not at all for the first few days--Ren vibrating a little with how much he was holding himself back--and then pretty much marathon in Mink's spare room, against Aoba's better judgement, but it was pretty inevitable. Aoba finds himself pretty grateful for Ren's habit of jamming his fingers in his mouth, tries to swallow all his moans, but, well, there's no way Mink doesn't know. Though at least he doesn't show it.

But that's it. For a week. Two weeks. Sporadic sex with Ren, whole days at a time when he wasn't having sex at _all_ ; he can tell Ren's holding back, giving him as much room as he can, and it makes his heart ache, but he's grateful. He calls the others, of course, reassures them over and over that he loves them and he'll be back, until they seem to believe him.

It had been hard to tell them. Really hard. Trying to make it clear that it wasn't that he didn't like them, he just needed a break--he'd almost had a panic attack, going in. But he'd managed.

There'd been a few--unexpected consequences. He looks down at his left hand, fidgets, turns the rings, stacks and unstacks them in different sequences. Silver wire and tiny glass beads, with the wire coiled like jellyfish tendrils. Plain bright gold with a modernist bevel, classy and expensive. Red-lacquered metal with the most delicate blue flowers, and the twin on Koujaku's hand is red flowers on blue in turn. Only Noiz had put a word on it, with all his newborn devotion to tradition and integrity, and Aoba's heart had turned upside-down and fluttered with love and guilt and he'd nearly cried. Not that it could ever be anything more than engagement--not in Japan, and not to all of them at once, and just one would be unfair even if he lived somewhere where he _could_ \--but. Still.

"Seriously, stop feeling bad about this," Noiz finally says over the Coil one day. "I don't like it when you feel bad. I'll just have to punish you when you get back."

"Jeez! Pervert!" Aoba squawks, flushed, and Mink eyes him from across the room. "Look. Uh." He lowers his voice to a whisper. "We should. Like. Talk about that? Maybe?"

Ren had frowned, about the rings, until Aoba had found a blue crystal to match the one Ren wore, and now he can't stop playing with it, or with the velvety cord over the healing bruises littering his throat. The cord that's fast fraying, he discovers. Ren's is even further gone.

Mink re-strings them with one spare mutter about cheap materials, with little knots of deep blue glass and claws along a much stronger leather cord. And even hammers a bit of silver round the top of Aoba's crystal, then sears it black with some foul-smelling stuff, so that they match exactly. He leaves them on the bedstead in the spare room without comment, not interfering, and Aoba nearly cries with happiness for the _fourth_ time as somebody he's dating puts matching jewelry on him.

* * *

At some point, pretty inevitably, he finds himself flopped on the couch like a babbling pillow spilling the entire situation to Mink and feeling incredibly foolish. Is this like talking to a therapist? Is Mink pretty much actually his therapist? Man, his life is weird.

Ren usually isn't there for this sort of conversation. But Ren doesn't seem to mind. And for once, it's Ren, not Mink, who boils it down.

"Aoba," he says slowly, and his eyes look very warm and very deep, and Aoba can almost _feel_ the same soul-stuff stretching between them for a moment. "One side of you always says no, and one side of you always says yes. But aren't you learning that neither side is complete without the other, and that you need both, and both can be all right?"

Aoba feels his mouth drop open for a moment as something settles into his mind like an earthquake. "Oh." And again. "Oh." He drags a breath, looks over at Mink, and thinks about everything in a rush. Thinks about every painstaking chance he'd given him, since things changed, to say no. Thinks about Sei, finally free of freaking Virus and Trip and things far more frightening than what Mink had been, spontaneously deciding to seduce people of his own will. " _Oh._ "

Mink gives the barest nod to Ren, as if to say, _well played._

* * *

He needed to be able to say no, and yes, and both of them were all right. It seems like the stupidest thing to be turning Aoba's world upside-down, but, well, his life.

And not just say yes, but ask.

He'd done it with Mink by now. Like. Twice? For real, not--the past. It wasn't like it hadn't been stressful, with half his brain going in circles about whether this was okay and really the right thing to be doing--half in Koujaku's voice--and the other half thinking that it did, just, feel _right_. And, like, Mink was hot, and a really surprisingly considerate and gentle lover, and maybe he'd freaked out a little for just like really dumb reasons, but they'd gotten through it, and it had been good.

He'd wondered maybe once or twice since he came here whether Mink was going to make a move on him at some point, but he realizes, with abrupt clarity, that there was really no point in wondering that at all. Mink has made himself safe, and will not move without Aoba's invitation--which was so very different from any of his actual boyfriends, and okay, in any of the others, it would have honestly frustrated him? Because he's so bad at asking for stuff he wants? But if Mink acted like they did, he would have run howling? And right now Mink feels like the safest thing in the world because nothing will go in his butt without him asking for it, even if it also isn't actually bad when Noiz and Clear put surprising things in his butt?

Huh.

He'd come here to _not_ be overloaded with confusing things, but at least this pile of confusing things sort of, maybe, felt like it was going somewhere.

Where it's going tonight is--seriously considering showing up naked in Mink's doorway asking for sex, on some strange impulse that it would make things make more sense. And because, well, it's not like he didn't have Ren with him, who'd been holding back as much as he could, but maybe he'd gotten used to more? Maybe after a bit of a break, he wants to get back to--more dicks? At least Mink is unlikely to put anything weird in his butt. Well, aside from the flower cream stuff, but the flower cream stuff is okay.

So at some point, he pretty much thinks _screw it_ , and shows up in Mink's doorway asking for sex. Naked gets toned down to no jacket. Compromises.

* * *

It's slow, and blissful, and just enough grazes of teeth and nails to send shivers down his spine to his cock, and Aoba winds up riding him, almost lazily, his back to him because after so much of Noiz humiliating him in ridiculously hot ways, he just kind of wants to just hide his face and enjoy it, and Mink doesn't seem to mind, just brushes his hair aside with perfect gentleness to nuzzle the nape of his neck. His knees tight around Mink's muscular thighs, the warm weight of him against his back, and Mink's arms wrapped close around his chest, Aoba's hands wrapped close around his, and he never imagined that it could be so shudderingly intimate without even looking at each other, and he feels safe.

"This wanting stuff and not wanting stuff at the same time is confusing," Aoba mumbles into Mink's chest in the afterglow.

"Hn." Mink doesn't look overly sympathetic, when Aoba picks his head up, so he puts it back down.

"Like sometimes I..." Okay, he really couldn't have had this conversation if he hadn't like just gotten fucked. "I think I...like it? When they push me on stuff? Like it makes it easier? And I think maybe I usually know when I really want to say no and when I only sort of want to say no, even. But sometimes I just...get tired."

"You're allowed to get tired, you know." Mink's generous, which Aoba isn't entirely sure is fair--like there's only one of him and four of them, and isn't he supposed to have a super-Desire-powered libido by now? 

"Mmmeh," is Aoba's sex-addled answer to that. And then, "It doesn't feel fair. And sometimes I only figure out that something bothered me or tired me out like a week later and that's not fair either? Like here's this thing somebody did a week ago and I'm holding it against him? That's rude."

"You take responsibility for what you need to." Then, with a peculiar weight, as if this is far too personal for him, which maybe it is, "You can set things out for the future, even if you can't change the past."

Aoba blows out air and goes limp against Mink for a moment at that. His own self--was his to care for. Yes. Mink had always been about that, hadn't he? Even a little when he _was_ being awful. Making his own choices, taking responsibility for his own happiness. Another stupid little thing that seemed obvious--like of _course_ he made his own choices, right? Just like he knew how to say no and say yes, right? But actually thinking about it in so many words feels like grabbing a thunderbolt and trying to ride it. It crackled, and scared him, and how was he supposed to know when he was doing the right thing by everyone and when he was being selfish? But if everybody took responsibility at once...

"Okay. Yeah. I think I get it."

"They all let you run here, didn't they," Mink says, again not bothering to make it much of a question.

"...yeah. I mean, it's not like it didn't cause a lot of fuss, but..."

"They want to do right by you."

Aoba brings up his left hand, sticks his nose into his--engagement rings, Jesus, he's wearing three engagement rings and a two-steps-beyond-engagement necklace and here he is on the other side of the world banging a _fifth_ guy--and flushes with guilt. "They're...they're so..." He clenches his teeth for a moment, trying to fight it back, and then blurts, "I feel awful! And selfish. I wish I could give all of myself to each of them. Damn it, I..." He shoves his face into Mink's chest, so snug against his pecs that he can't even breathe for a moment, and when he can, it's cinnamon. "They give me so much, and I just take, and string them along--"

"Give yourself some credit," says Mink, enough of an edge to bring Aoba's head snapping up. "Aoba, we each owe you our souls."

He falls silent with a startled whimper, and it doesn't even occur to him to question, in that moment, that Mink's saying _we_ and not _them._

"I can't speak for them as such," Mink goes on. "But I've seen what you've done for them. If you didn't mean the world to them, this wouldn't have happened." He taps Aoba's left hand, then the barest touch to the back of his neck, over the clasp of the new necklace. "Don't insult their choices."

Aoba flounders in stunned silence, and feels intense guilt churning in his gut, and somehow, somehow, tries to let it go.

"...oh." He sucks a deep breath, and then scoots up to nuzzle closer, burying his face in Mink's hair instead and wrapping around him, bodily. Mink makes some soft, contented noise deep in his chest, almost subliminal and very satisfying, and pulls the blanket up around them, and bundles him up.

After a long moment, Aoba stirs, murmurs. "Am I fucked up?" Mink doesn't even bother answering, and Aoba sighs. "Okay, I'm fucked up."

"It's all right."

"Mrrf."

Mink taps his forehead, like he's trying to get a point through, and Aoba blinks, just a touch startled. "I mean that. Everyone you know is fucked up. Would you hold it against Koujaku, or Noiz, or Sei?"

That last was _particularly_ low. Aoba whines. "Nooo."

"Then don't hold it against yourself."

"But..."

Mink settles a big hand between his shoulderblades, and it's so comforting he just melts into him for a moment.

"Take responsibility," he murmurs. "And go to sleep."

"Nnnmmm."

* * *

Aoba has kind of braced himself to deal with Ren afterwards, and possibly have to be sloppy seconds, but it turns out Ren had leaned against the shared wall of Mink's bedroom and jacked off to Aoba's heedless moans, so that was. More or less all right, even if Aoba feels himself turning nearly purple and apologizes like sixty times. Then they get into an apology circle. Then Aoba feels very proud of himself for realizing they should probably stop.

So all in all, it turns out to be a very useful vacation, and he has a lot of talks with the others over the Coil. It's almost fortuitous, really, that he talks to Clear first--Koujaku is actually far more manageable, and Noiz seems harder, so Clear is like a warm-up and Koujaku is like dessert and seriously what the _flying fuck_ is his life--because Clear blinks a few times and then lights up like a bulb. "Oh! I actually learned about something that might help with this, Aoba-san!"

"Uh." Aoba swallows. "What is it?"

"I was looking for new and exciting things to do with you, because I have been a little lonely and wanted to imagine things--but that's okay, please don't worry about me right now--and some things came with instructions, and I heard about something called a safeword."

"A...what?"

Clear explains with great enthusiasm, and Aoba blinks a few times and realizes that probably sounds like a good idea even if it's kind of weird and perverted to have to plan this stuff out so much. But okay, he's already, like, planning out bizarre amounts of his sex life. Jesus. Then they talk about a whole lot of other things, and Clear looks worried, and apologizes some, but it all comes out okay, and Aoba lifts his left hand into the Coil's field of vision and kisses his jellyfish ring and feels his cheeks flush as he says, "I love you."

That hasn't changed, after all. None of that has changed.

* * *

He comes back in the early spring--with Mink, since he wants to be on Midorijima for the start of the growing season--and braces himself for the sex whirlwind, but really, it's kind of nice. He'd wound up staying almost two months--two months of quiet intimacy and earnest fucking, not a single bondage cuff or dildo in sight--and if he was honest with himself, okay, maybe he missed that stuff.

Maybe not enough to not _sputter_ when Noiz and Clear start eagerly rolling out two months of backlogged perverted ideas--and _nothing_ had prepared him for Sei in a gorgeous women's kimono perched on Koujaku's knee and smiling, impish--but though he flushed hot as Clear tied him down and dragged a thumb across his lip and slid a really shockingly large dildo into his mouth, about the largest he could possibly take that way, just to watch his throat work and his eyes water up close, and hear all the little choking noises as he fucked his face with it, and smile bright and sweet, well. He flushed, but he _wanted_ , and that was okay, right?

He really does like the kinky stuff, to be honest. In controlled doses.

Not that there isn't the occasional problem. Juggling when to safeword and when to let himself be pushed through his doubts. Concerned faces as he fumbled through asking for more wiggle room in his schedule, maybe one night off a round, like seriously he hadn't seen Mizuki for like a _month_ before he left. But things feel...better now. Okay, sometimes there are also just straight up stupid accidents. Which is how he's found himself sitting with his legs splayed indecently wide, naked from the waist down, smoldering gently with shame, as Mink crouches between his legs with a bit of wire from his jewelry kit, patiently picking a lock.

"...he'd scheduled me for the entire weekend and he wanted to. Um. Like. Tease me? I guess?" Aoba sneaks a glance down at the plastic cage around his cock, whines, looks away.

"One way to stake a claim," Mink says, contemplative. "You didn't safeword out?"

"Nnnnnnno?" He'd wound up talking about that stuff with Mink too, after that chat with Clear, and Mink had just raised an eyebrow and said it sounded sensible. "Uh. He made it sound hot, to be..." Strung along all weekend, used and teased and fucked with no chance of release, his cock Noiz's under lock and key, until he finally earned his orgasm. Probably by begging for it. Aoba loses words, feels his face burn. Jesus. Somehow unreasonably hot, Desire has no taste. "I didn't mean to be left in it! He didn't mean to leave me in it! We were out and Koujaku picked a fight with him and then he dropped the key and arrrrggghhhhhhhh." He flings an arm over his face. "You're a saint. Thank you. I love you."

Mink puffs out air between pursed lips. "Idiots."

Aoba blows him a raspberry.


End file.
